31 Days of Movement: Angry

I woke very early this morning, 4 am. I hadn’t gone to bed until after midnight. I’m reading a novel, and when a novel is good, I just keep reading.

I got up, put on warm socks and a warmer sweater, and went downstairs to read on the couch. It felt like Christmas morning. I was awake, in the quiet, doing one of my favorite things. 

I had a lovely early morning reading and then a lovely late morning taking care of business in my office. Then I crashed. I was angry about something small, angry in that way that means whatever I’m angry about is not really what I’m angry about. 

I was angry going into my workout and stayed angry for the first 15 minutes, which fueled the workout. Finally the movement took over, and I was just sweating and moving. Friday is gym day -- the elliptical, weights, and body weight training. I held plank until my arms were shaking, which was when I knew I was done for the day.

I was better, briefly, but soon after the workout, I was angry again, angry with the feeling of wanting to hit something just to make it shatter. 

I spent a while following my thoughts, considering my anger and its source, and really wanting not to be angry anymore because it was tied to being judgemental. That’s really what’s been happening for me. I am stuck in judgements, and it feels wrong. I don’t want to be that person. 

I didn’t want to work out today, but I did. I just did it. I didn’t think too much about it. I knew it would be good for me, and I did it.

I didn’t really want to write this blog. I’d rather be reading. Plus, it’s taken four tries to get to something that feels true and worth sharing. But I just did it.

Today is the day to be the person I want to be. Today I faced both my anger and judgement. I thought about my judgements and instead of letting them grow, I thought them down to size, made them small in my mind again, and let them become not important. Today I worked out because that’s the person I want to be. I wrote this blog entry because that’s the person I want to be. As soon as I post, I’m back on the couch, reading my book, because that, too, is the person I want to be. 

That's all I'm saying all month: movement is about being the person we want to be. That's why we do it all the time, not just some of the time, not just when we're in the mood, not just in January, not later. Today.